Life is Hard

Life can be wonderful and exhilarating and vibrant at times. And sometimes life can just pretty much suck.

I want to be happy. I want to be over this dark hole in my life. Am I being melodramatic? Perhaps, (definitely) but I'm angry.

I miss having a person. That person you can call or text or communicate in whichever way you choose - day or night, early or late, happy or sad. That person that you can send a quick text because you are mad at a co-worker, frustrated, happy, share a joke, let them know you are bored out of your mind, what you want for lunch. Whatever it is, however simple, however mundane, however ridiculous - you can text them because they (HE) is your PERSON. The Person who actually CARES whether you have a good day ( or is kind enough to ACT like it), the person who you can go home to (figuratively or literally), the person who can hug you and make the stress and worry of the day disappear. The person who you rely on to get through the day. I miss that the most .

I KNOW that this is where I need to be - I KNOW this relationship needed to end, was meant to end, but it is HARD. 3 and a half years is a long time. Losing your best friend, the person who knows you the best, the person who knows your secrets - when they are suddenly gone from your life. And every dang thing makes you think of them, or remember something about them - just SUCKS.

And it isn't a big deal to other people. And it shouldn't be. They aren't going through it. I am. By Myself. Because I'm single - and I no longer have a person required to care about me.

So I'm learning to be independent. To not care that I am the only single person at the party, or the office, or the restaurant, or the store or whatever it may be. And yes, I know, there are tons of single people everywhere - but in my world, currently, it feels as if I am the only one.

I am not an eloquent writer, oh how I wish I was. And I know my current depressing view on life is of little concern to my friends - but I am glad to have this outlet.